stsai-critique-for-lchan
Hi Laura!
I think
that it’s great you’re doing a site on the Boat People—I always find cultural
sites/topics really interesting. I like
your plan of making the site a hub and gathering place for Boat People, but I
also feel that’d it’d reach a wider audience if you included a few more
information pages. I like how you’ll
have island information pages, but something to think about is to include informational pages in the future on your forum topics: Vietnamese markets,
language barriers, and the like. These don’t
need to be especially detailed; it’d just be nice to have even a small introduction to these for readers who are unfamiliar to the Vietnamese culture
and the challenges new Vietnamese immigrants may face. Eventually you could maybe expand those to
full-fledged informational pages.
I like
how succinct and to-the-point your introduction is, but I think it could be
even better if you put the purpose of the website at the top, instead of
introducing Vietnamese Boat People first.
If you say that the site will be a forum for Vietnamese Boat People,
then readers will know exactly if they’re interested in the site or not. You can then have the informational paragraph
following after so that readers who are
interested can get more information. By
putting the conclusion first and following the inverted pyramid format we
learned about in class, you help make your site reader-friendly; the reader’s
time is valuable, so someone who wants to spend time on your page will, and someone
who needs another kind of site will know to find another.
In your
paragraph describing the forum, I think instead of having “this site hopes,”
you should put “this site will.” An assertive tone gives you more credibility as a website author, since the
readers will feel that you know what you are doing. Remember that website writing is not the same
as essay-writing, so if you believe what you’re writing, then be assertive! :)
Great
idea for a site and good luck!
-Sophia
|
